Honoring The Blessed Virgin Mary by Saying Yes!

By Paul Ashton, Psy.D., D.Min.
Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs

statue of MaryMay the Virgin Mary, the All-Holy Mother of God and our Mother, accompany you and protect you always with her tender love.1

—Pope Francis

May brings flowers, beautiful weather and a wonderful opportunity to honor the women in our lives who have loved us through all the joys and sorrows that we have endured. It is also the month in which we honor Mary, The Blessed Mother of God, and patroness for all humanity. Through the many prayers lifted up to God through her intercession, many mothers throughout the centuries have sought protection for their children and loved ones. Mary never fails to console and comfort us. Never.

She is always there, as our Heavenly Mother, to listen, to guide, to inspire and to buttress us when we need it the most. Mary never fails us. From her very first “Yes” to God, she changed the world and has inspired millions of women to be like her, always saying, “Yes” when important things are asked. Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” [Luke 1:38] In imitation of her we seek always to be open to God’s will for us.  When the yes is difficult to say, we are encouraged over and over by that first “Yes” Mary uttered. 

While the big “yeses” are challenging and often life changing, it is the smaller “yeses” that build up to the larger ones and make it easier for us to be open to change, transformation and growth. 

Mothers have a keen way of saying yes to many requests—often prudent in their responses and wise in the ways they choose the right time to say yes. What I think many adult children remember about their mother’s “yeses” is the way in which they modeled for us the way in which we should say “Yes” to life’s needs and questions. Usually we expected them to say “No” to our fanciful and magical requests, and when they said “yes” to extra TV time, more of a favorite snack or to friends staying overnight we were surprised and delighted. We felt special, loved and that all of the world’s problems had answers though the power of our mothers. That is how it is supposed to be. There are enough “No” responses in the world, especially in the lives of children. Sometimes “Yes” is the absolutely right thing to say. It puts importance on the things that matter most, and not on the consequences of the stressful demands of life. It puts love first—not second. It makes children feel appreciated, free, liberated, affirmed, treasured, special and loved. It suspends the ordinary and makes small moments large. It stimulates the imagination and opens our minds to creativity. 

This Mother’s Day, when we celebrate our mothers and the way in which we carry forth their goodness, perhaps we can say “Yes” a little more to the children in our lives.   

Be available
Try harder to be there in the big and small moments of children’s lives. Celebrate the small things. Make quality time. Put things aside once in a while and say prudent “yeses” to children’s requests.

Be warm
No matter the answer, be generous in your warmth. Even when kids are snarky, be genuine, warm, understanding and avoid sarcasm. Sarcasm is poison and children are defenseless against it.

Listen, but don’t fix
Try harder to appreciate things through a child’s eyes and from their perspective. Affirm the difficulties and listen closely. “Getting it” is half the battle.

Set limits
Know when to say, “Yes!” and most especially when to say “No!” Both mean that you love them tremendously. Boundaries are excellent ways to teach good self-esteem. Reward and affirm boundaries kept well; provide consequences when boundaries are not kept.

Play
Laugh. Have fun. Join in. Enjoy. Through playing you teach on so many levels. Get directly involved with the children in your life. This means enjoying life as they enjoy it. Laughter heals!

Be grateful
Having an attitude of gratitude is crucial. It teaches children appreciation for things that are important. Being grateful teaches and models values. It teaches kids how to accept and how to give.

Be fair
Children know when things are fair. They expect you to be. Sometimes life is not fair. Teaching this lesson is challenging but can result in life-long lessons. Be fair in all that you do—explain when your decisions appear unfair.

Set high expectations
Set high standards and goals. Reward good behavior. Celebrate achievements. Teach habits that encourage children to do better. Be an example of ways in which you strive to be a better person. Teach them how to set and reach goals. Practice acceptance when goals are not met. Discuss failure, what it means and what can be learned from it.

Talk to them about struggles
Life is not easy. It is sometimes hard, and it can be challenging. Teach that. Model it. Work it out in the lives of children in ways that they understand.

Love them and show it every day
Tell the children in your life: “You really make a positive difference around here.” “You are so important to me.” “I am amazed at the exceptional effort you make at …”  “I love you—no matter what.”

“Our time with our kids is short. By setting a positive example, we can be a positive and lasting influence in our children ‘s lives.” 2 

Mary, Our Mother and our Guide,
Bless our “Yeses” and our efforts
to always follow your great “Yes”
to God which changed the world
forever. Bless all mothers and their
children with love and joy. Amen.

1 Letter Of His Holiness Pope Francis To The Christians In The Middle East. 21 December 2014.
https://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/letters/2014/documents/papa-francesco_20141221_lettera-cristiani-medio-oriente.html

2 Adapted from Dr. Justin Coulson, 10 Ways to Have a Positive Influence On Your Children, July 2, 2013.  Taken from the Internet Kidspot, The Director for Parents, 20 February 2016.  

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