Standards of Behavior
By Patrick McGuire
Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs
It’s an old line… a very, very old line: If your friends went and jumped in a lake, would you do it too?Every adult has heard it at some point in their youthful past, and, it usually comes in response to the eternal teenage lament, “But all my friends are doing it/wearing it/listening to it/etc.” However, the truth is our young people, in their many efforts to express their individuality, often get their ideas from each other. It is ironic of course, but it is also common adolescent behavior. “I want to express myself, so I’m going to do what all my friends are doing because it’s cool.” It would be patently humorous if most of us had not been exactly the same way. (Admit it.)
So, we are faced with the age-old challenge of setting standards of behavior for our blossoming young adults. Time to break out a few more of Mom and Dad’s favorite adages: “As long as you’re in my house…,” I am the one who calls the shots…,” and so on. However, there is one cliché many of us cannot legitimately dig out nowadays, and that is, “When I was a kid…” Because, for many of us, that phrase does not apply when we are discussing all things technological with the kids in our lives. It’s sometimes difficult to believe, but for many parents and caring adults, computer use, texting, and any number of now commonplace technology tools were the stuff of science fiction when they were younger. Add to that the sheer proficiency with which the average youth rockets about their digital wonderland and the prospect of keeping it under control and setting guidelines can be a little daunting. So how should we begin?
First, regardless of a child’s ability to text faster than most people can speak, it is still the adult who has control of the parameters of use. We are the ones who control the accounts, the web service, the equipment permitted in our home, and the limitations on its use. The adults in the house have to decide where the limits are for their children when it comes to digital playtime. Take some time in doing this because the adults in the house might have different ideas of where the limits should lie. Agree among yourselves before drawing the lines for the children.
Things to discuss include age limits and access levels for personal websites like social networks, uploading photographs of themselves or others, security settings for the Internet, computer monitoring programs for the family computer, and other basic safety issues. Discuss with young people the dangers of giving personal information online. A thorough discussion should cover the bases.
The technological world is rife with what can charitably be called careless casualness. It is so easy just to knock out a quick reply to almost every request, opinion, or random topic. The apparent anonymity we all feel online can lead to disclosures that we would never reveal to a stranger in person. However, because their friends are so wide-open in their emails, blogs, networking sites, instant messaging, and other online features, it is likely that your kids want to do the same. Be prepared to stand firm with boundaries here.
In a digital sense, set up boundaries that they have to stay within just as you do for every other aspect of their lives. Do a little research online yourself to discover the reams of advice about setting online limits for children. Then, get ready for their onslaught as they try to push the boundaries as only children can. After all, it’s for their own good.
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