Two Years Later: Advice for Parents and Other Caring Adults on Planning for September 11

(Posted August 18, 2003)

Philip J. Lazarus, Ph.D., NCSP
Associate Professor and Director of the School Psychology Training Program,
Florida International University

September 11, 2001, will always be remembered as one of the most horrific days in the history of our country. This date serves as a constant reminder of the dangers of terrorism and the vulnerability of our nation. We all can remember where we were when we heard about or saw the destruction of the World Trade Center and the attack on the Pentagon. Through constant media bombardment, the images of the planes crashing into the twin towers have become imprinted upon our mind. Now we are quickly approaching the second anniversary of this tragic event.

Families that lost loved ones are struggling in the aftermath. For those directly impacted, the anniversary of this event will likely rekindle intense emotions. Parents and others who interact with children are concerned about how best to react. All parents, grandparents, teachers, and other adult caregivers—whether directly impacted or not—need to be prepared to help their children cope. Depending on their particular circumstances, the needs of each family are unique. The purpose of this article is to provide some basic suggestions for families so that they can help their children, and each other, better manage the anniversary of September 11.

Basic Suggestions

The anniversary of September 11 may trigger emotional reactions in children, adolescents, and adults similar to feelings that they experienced at the time of the attack. Therefore it is important for parents to be aware of this possibility and to plan for it. Discussing this possibility beforehand may help to prepare children.

Children will look at significant adults in their lives to serve as their guides for how to react and what is expected from them. Children also will depend on adults, especially their parents, to provide support if they feel frightened, sad, anxious, depressed or if they experience other emotions. Therefore, parents need to be especially observant and mindful of their children during this time.

Children need the opportunity to discuss and express their feelings. Parents should make sure that they listen to their children, but parents should not force their children to talk. Some children may prefer to do an art project, play music, write in a journal, or engage in physical activity. Younger children may require something more concrete in order to express their feelings. This may include playing with dolls or toys, creating a drawing, working with clay or blocks, or looking at picture books. It is important to remind children that it is okay to feel sad or upset when they remember an unhappy event.

Children’s reactions will differ depending on a number of factors. The most important factor will be whether they lost a loved one in the attack. Obviously children who experienced the death or injury of a loved one have had and will continue to have a much more difficult time coping with the aftermath. Other significant factors will include:

• Their proximity of the event—children who actually viewed the World Trade Center collapse from their classroom window can be expected to have a much stronger reaction than children who saw the tragedy on television.

• Their social support system—children who have a weaker social support system, have a history of other losses, whose parents were significantly impacted by the event (e.g., loss of job, loss of business), or who had to move following September 11 are more emotionally vulnerable.

Parents should find out what their children’s schools are planning for the anniversary and discuss this with their children. The National Education Association and the National Association of School Psychologists recommend that no student should be required to participate in any memorial activity. Parents who have specific concerns about their children should inform their school and open a line of communication between the school and the home. The school should provide alternative activities.

During this time, it is important to limit viewing and exposure to media reports. For example, young children may erroneously believe that the attack is happening all over again.

Parents may want to plan affirming activities for the anniversary. For example, parents can have their children make a collage, plant a tree, write a note of thanks to their local firefighters or police officers, read stories about heroism, or learn more about our country and our democratic traditions.

Conclusion

September 11 may be an especially good time to appreciate our blessings.  This includes our family, our friends, our faith, our freedom, our God, and the opportunities we all have because we live in the United States of America.

Additional September 11-Related Articles are Available on VIRTUS Online:

Two Years Later: Advice for Educators on Planning for September 11 In a fairly recent poll, teachers were rated as the most trusted professionals in the United States. They have the challenge of being our children’s primary providers of lessons about history, civics, democracy, and American values. Consequently, their actions will have a profound effect on how 60 million students will experience September 11, 2003.

Two Years Later: A Brief Overview of School-Related Lesson Plans for Remembering September 11 Teaching students about man’s inhumanity to his fellow man is no easy task. Discussing the nature of hatred and terrorism perhaps can be counterbalanced by depicting the human qualities of heroism, faith, courage, civic duty, and generosity of spirit shown in the aftermath of our national tragedy. Perhaps these lesson plans may make a small difference in teaching a number of complex issues.

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