Father’s Day—Our Dearest Dad
By Paul Ashton, Psy.D., D.Min.
Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs
"St. Joseph's mission is certainly unique and unrepeatable, as Jesus is absolutely unique. However, in protecting Jesus, in teaching him how to grow in age, wisdom and grace, he is a model for every educator, and in particular for every father. I ask for you the grace to be ever closer to your children, allow them to grow, but be close, close! They need you, your presence, your closeness, your love. Be, for them, like St. Joseph: protectors of their growth in age, wisdom and grace. Guardians of their path, and educators: walk alongside them. And with this closeness, you will be true educators."
—Pope Francis' General audience on the Solemnity of St. Joseph, 19 March 2014
Honoring the fathers in our lives in a special opportunity to show love to those who have guided and provided for us in ways that no other could. Sometimes we miss these opportunities. Oftentimes we are afraid to express our feelings. At other times we want to share our love, but are embarrassed. It seems those we love the most are the ones who hear about it the least.
How many eulogies have been written and proclaimed, "I should have told my father more often that I loved him?" How many sons and daughters walk store aisles in search of the perfect Father's Day card that says just the right thing, instead of writing their own message of love?
This is the time to honor the father in your life. Perhaps not for what he was, could or should have been, but for who he is or was. I know for many growing up was rough, and doing this in person is impossible. But for those who can and are able to do so—please try.
You may have had a father figure who was not your biological father. He or she was a loving person who guided and loved you through your youth. In other instances, it could have been more than one person who shared the role of father figure in your life. How lucky you were to have more than one person in this role! In yet other circumstances, perhaps the father figure in your life was not present for many possible reasons, this may have left a lasting wound, making Father's day difficult. Sometimes sharing our story with trusted friends can help us see our experience from a different perspective—pointing out the persons, places and things that we may have overlooked in our own history. This can help us rewrite our story.
Today, as I write this, we celebrate the feast of Saint Joseph. As Pope Francis points out in the quote above, Saint Joseph is certainly the model for every educator and father. "Ite ad Joseph" was the Latin phrase taught to me as a child by the good Sisters—"Go to Joseph!" and it has certainly stuck with me all these years. Saint Joseph has been a wonderful spiritual father to me for many years. I hope to be worthy of his intercession. In my own way I strive to be a good educator bringing people closer to God and helping them know themselves better.
I hope that each of you has a wonderful memory of your father, knowing it is never too late to create one. I had a wonderful conversation today with a dear friend, Liz, about Saint Joseph and her dad. She shared this with me: "He was always there our entire life and was very protective of us. He would never let us go on a roller coaster and made us cross the street several blocks down because the cars zoomed around the corner. My father was the dearest, sweetest man you could ever meet. He was a quiet man but enjoyed a good joke. My mother was wonderful, but it seemed most of the time when we were sick that he was always there all night coming into our rooms and taking care of us. Oh to see him again. That would be my dearest wish."
When Liz was talking you could hear her gratitude and happiness in having had such a wonderful father. Like Liz, the stories that each of you could share about your own father may describe an overwhelming story of love. In the details of each of your narratives could be seen many great gifts of love, and perhaps other important witnesses to your life participating or watching in background.
May this Father's Day be an opportunity for you to remember your story and share your gratitude. May it be an opportunity for you to tell your father he is loved. And if need be, may you gain the courage to share your story and embrace a new narrative that is filled with forgiveness, love and hope. Ite ad Joseph!
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