Advent—Enjoy the Wait

By Paul Ashton, Psy.D., D.Min.
Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs


Not everyone can wait: neither the sated nor the satisfied nor those without respect can wait. The only ones who can wait are people who carry restlessness around with them. 
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer, God Is in the Manger: Reflections on Advent and Christmas                   


Several years ago I found myself in a long line at the local mall. It was just four days before Christmas on a Friday afternoon, and I felt pretty proud of myself that I had completed everything I wanted to accomplish. It was one of those rare years when all of the stars were aligned, and I found myself prepared and ready. I don't just mean the gift lists, shopping and cards, I mean the spiritual part, too. I was blessed that year to have been invited to give talks and reflections during Advent, so my research began in the late summer and continued through fall. In more ways than one, I was ready. And it all fell into place—thank you, God. The participants in the programs I led were inspiring and their participation made for an even better Advent than I expected.

The final responsibility before my Christmas break was an evening of celebration for the HIV / AIDS support group members and their families. Generous people came forward that year to donate food, decorations and gifts and the room, presents and all of the trimmings were ready. My assistant and I were very satisfied with our progress, and I sent her home early to be with her family. That afternoon a wonderful person came to the Church office and donated $500 for the families in the support group. I was more than delighted and told him that we would distribute the funds in the form of gift cards to the families. His donation would certainly add to the festivities that evening. We had many food baskets to distribute, but the addition of a gift card would be helpful to the children in those families.

While I was initially smug in my attitude about not having to face the mall with the hustle and bustle of last minute shoppers, with the secretary gone, it was my duty to take care of purchasing the gift cards. I was a bit daunted, but I remember thinking that the peace I was experiencing would be an invisible armor against any shoving, pushing, parking-lot-space stealers and Scrooges that crossed my path. How bad could it be, I thought? The mall was five minutes from the church, and I could run in and out. Oh boy. I soon found out that I needed more than invisible armor—I needed a small army tank. Finding a parking spot was a near occasion of sin, and I am certain that I committed a few more in trying to get by about a bazillion people who were last minute shoppers.

But wait? Wasn't I one of them? "Oh no!" I said to myself. "I am not one of them. I am prepared. I am all ready. This is just a corporal work of mercy!" Fat chance. All of that Advent preparation, hymn singing, psalm reading, Mass attending, Advent Wreath lighting, meditations, journaling, Lectio Divina… All went out the window in a short 20 minutes. I couldn't believe the feelings that arose within me—the anxiety that came rushing to the surface, and the anger and resentment that simmered. "How could these people have waited until the last minute and spoil what should have been a joyful little errand for me, perhaps even with an extra stop for a well—deserved cinnamon bun whose devilish smells permeated every corner of the mall?" Nope. That was not meant to be.

There must have been 100 people in the line to buy mall gift cards. I thought quickly of leaving, but couldn't accept defeat, especially after finding the perfect parking spot only 1,000 yards from the door. I made a commitment to get those blessed gift cards and I wasn't going back without them. And so I took my spot in line and tried to push all bad thoughts out of my head. That worked for seven minutes. Then I thought of paying a woman at the front of the line to get my gift cards, but the other people in line would certainly raise their torches and pitchforks if I did that, and then I would have lost my original place in line. I stayed put, and was in it for the long haul.

When it seemed that nothing could get worse, I saw a woman with a notepad and a man trailing behind her with a camera. She was talking with people in the line and moving her way toward me. I overheard her say that she was a newspaper reporter and was asking the people questions about their last minute shopping, and if they would get in trouble by their wives for buying them gift cards. This really made matters worse. I thought to myself, how dare this woman presume the worse in the people! It was awful during the Christmas season for her to be trying to make a negative newspaper story out of nothing but shoppers. What this reporter's actions did made those of us in the line unite and bond together. We started to share our stories and reasons for being in that line and what brought us there. United in our laughs, we were not going to let any newspaper reporter's deadline for a headline story rewrite our narrative. We knew our stories, our reasons and our places in that line and we earned them. And we became all the better for it.

And so it goes... We never know what can happen in the waiting. We never know what we will encounter and how we will react. We can only prepare to be open and receiving of news and events—joyful and sorrowful—as best as we can, but most of all in that waiting we find out who we are, what we stand for, and what we believe. We may want to borrow someone else's narrative, or their place or situation, and we may fantasize about the greener grass in our neighbor's back yard. What we come to realize in the waiting is the reality of our story, good or bad, and with hope acceptance is soon to follow. Then, and only then can we share, compare and laugh about the joys and burdens of our lives.

In that line I came to see Advent in a whole different way. I recognized through the experience the restlessness of the season of Advent, the questioning and the wondering why God would tarry. It was a delight in that line to hear the stories of my neighbors and to see how I misjudged them, and how they misjudged me. Our united efforts to console each other made the line go swiftly, and our Advent ended on what I would like to think Advent is all about: excitement of what is to come and the sense of accomplishment for what we can do: joining, sharing and caring about our neighbor in a way that lightens each other's burdens. Enjoy the wait—it is well worth it!

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