Communication Tip No. 16: Encouraging Discussions with Kids

Whether you're interacting with a new preschooler and can't wait to hear about their first experiences at school, or with a teenager and trying to stay connected, most of us want to foster healthy, open dialogues with the kids whom we care for. However, at some point kids of any age aren't interested in sharing, tending to shrug off the "how was your day?" question with a "Fine" or "Ok" and leaving it at that.

There are so many tips out there for encouraging kids to open up and share more with their parents or caregivers. Some of these may work with the kids in your care and others may not (after all, each kid is different). Just a few include:

• Avoid open-ended questions: Sometimes "how was your day?" is too broad of a question or overwhelming for kids. Try more specific questions like "Did you play with a particular friend today?"; "What extra activity did you have—art, music, or gym?" or "What is it that you are studying right now in history class?"
   
• Listen first: Giving advice is second nature to us as parents and caregivers, but we have to be aware that this sometimes causes kids to shut down if it's always the first thing we do. Listen and empathize with what they are saying first, then give counsel when warranted.
   
• Create a distraction-free space: Talk to kids when no one has a Smart Phone or tablet in their hands (including you) and they know you are listening. However, with teenagers, parents often find that engaging in another simple activity (like driving or cooking) make teenagers more comfortable with sharing.
   
• Recall your last conversation: Everyone wants to know that someone is truly taking in what they were saying. Try questions that reference your last conversation, such as: "Yesterday you were saying that Sally was having a hard time, how is she doing today?" or "You seemed like you were looking forward to that extracurricular, how did it go?"
   
• Talk about your own day: I really appreciated this reminder in the Washington Post that conversations are a two-way street. Avoid always being in the interrogator's chair by simply sharing about your own day, establishing a culture of mutual discussion. 

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